Cats Die Funny, Dogs Die Sad

I'm doing it! It is done! Shit! Shit! Oh my God! I can't believe that just fucking happened! Is it dead? Honey? Somebody help! Did he just throw my cat out the window? No, I don't think so. Did he? This is my cat's birthday today. I don't see a cat in here. I'm sorry.

Did we let it out by accident? No, because he died three months ago, okay? So, now who's the funny guy? Another satisfied customer here in Reno. Ah!
God! Jesus... Moments like this require someone who will
act. Do the unpleasant thing, the necessary thing.

Oh, sh-- As punishment for deceiving him, he went and shot my dog. He must have chased a mouse or something around
the fuse box and got electrocuted. She didn't want to walk into your dinner party
carrying a dead cat, so she put inside your back door. Ari! Uzi! Where are you!? They're okay, Chas.

It's okay. They're safe! They're safe. Dad, they ran over Buckley! What!? Yeah, I think we lost Buckley. Your cat's dead.

What? Which one? Marmalade. What kind of cat was it? Who gives a shit? It looks dead. I think it's dead. Fuck! What was that? A bump of some sort.

You see, kids, a car-- Here's the leash, sir. I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass
off the road. Thank you, officer. See ya.

Have a nice day. Peter, you killed it! Will you guys relax! He's got eight more lives. Okay, seven more lives. Six.

Peter, stop doing what you're doing. I received a Transatlantic call one day. Skip died, Daddy said. He and my Mama wrapped him in my baseball
jacket.

I had a tarantula when I was a kid! But it died because my cat ate it. And then
my cat died. Sad ending to this one though. Poor little
guy.

Snapped his neck when I tired to get him out
of the fishbowl. Stupid, I used tongs. Salad tongs. I don't know why I just didn't use my hand.

It seems like you just could have tipped the
jar on its side and let him crawl out on his own leisure. Ehh, hindsight's 20/20. You know we've got to do it. I know, Mama.

He was my dog..